On Women and Friendship

“No one picks a friend for us; we come together by choice. We are not tied together through ceremony or the responsibility to create a son; we tie ourselves together through moments. The spark when we first meet. Laughter and tears shared. Secrets packed away to be treasured, hoarded, and protected. The wonder that someone can be so different from you and yet still understand your heart in a way no one else ever will.”

We hear a lot about the ubiquitous problems with the patriarchy, but what are the alternative social structures around the world?

The Island of Sea Women is a novel about family, friendship and community, centered on women. Set on the South Korean island of Jeju, it describes the lives, joys and hardships of haenyeo – professional women divers in all-women diving collectives. The localized collective groups operate with a matriarchal social structure, where women hold the positions of power and appoint a leader by a vote. Younger, less skilled or experienced divers learn from their more experienced elders. The divers are paired up for safety in the water, and bond together as a collective before and after each day’s diving.

The inter-generational story unfolds in the context of colonialism and political struggle. Women do everything. In addition to diving to harvest seafood to earn money for their families’ survival, they grow and tend to crops in dry fields, do all the cooking and housework, chores and raise the children. Husbands bring the babies to shore for their mothers to breastfeed during a diving break. During the day, men gather under the village tree to ‘contemplate big thoughts’.

Outlook for Lesbians

There are clear benefits to the safety, success, longevity and quality of life of the haenyeo due to their matriarchal structure. Are lesbian households, partnerships, families and organisations micro-examples of similar matrifocal societies - cultures and communities focused on and led by women? How have lesbians paralleled this way of working together; leading, mentoring and supporting each other – and how can we continue to do so?